Birth of a new mother…

7 Jul

It’s been 4 months and 1 day today that I have experienced life as a (new) mother. Actually it’s been 123 days to be more exact and according to “Petit Bateau”, or 3 months and 28 days or 17 weeks… It all depends what country you live, but at the end of the day, it’s been 4 months that my life, as I’ve known it for the past 38 years, has changed completely !

I have shared (quite a few) bad and good moments with whoever was willing to listen through Facebook, Twitter, email, phone calls, SMS chats, over drinks, over dinners and random discussions started with random people in the streets (well, I didn’t stalk and stop people simply to have a chat about my baby and the fact that I was going mad, just to get that clear !!). I have received so much support from my family and friends, people I barely know and total strangers… Honestly, I must say that without them and all their patience and kind words I would have probably lost it a long time ago, left man, dog and baby and fled to some far away beach to tan and drink tequila morning to night… (… I’m still considering the beach but the tequila has now given place to Cosmopolitan… lighter and drunk-friendly).

Anyhow, after 4 months of “how do I change a diaper ? how do I give him meds ? how do I get him to sleep ? How do I survive ? how can I make some (me) time for a quick shower more than twice a week or at midnight ? how can I make him stop crying / scream / wake up at night / wake up at day / move around when I want him to sit still and sit still when he wants to move around ; I felt the need to start writing again and share some of my experience with, again, whoever wants to read it…

I received messages from people telling me that my posts have helped them, friends or relatives to overcome or better accept these particularly tough moments, as it is true that you DO feel all alone in the world with a new baby in your life even if you’re well surrounded, that you know you’re the billionth woman to do this since the beginning of the world and that your neighbor next door is experiencing exactly the same thing at exactly the same time… it feels f*%ù* lonely !!! Apparently, from what I’ve been told, I also seem to say out loud what some others won’t because it’s either not politically correct to say how bad, sad (and selfish ?) you feel with a new baby in your life (even desired) and how good, happy and complete you don’t… I never had a hard time saying what I feel. At times it’s good at times it may not be, but in this particular case, speaking out seems like the right to do. Some may like it and some won’t and I apologize in advance for those of you who may take my words as harsh or unfair.

Just to make things clear though… I am happy to have Hugo as I’ve wanted him for a while now. I never felt though, to be honest, a proper “need” to have a baby but it did seem the right thing to do, having the right man in my life and being at an age where if I would have waited much longer, I may have regretted it later on… So yes, Hugo was a desired baby, yet, despite the fact people warn you that “your life will change forever”, you are absolutely not prepared for what actually comes once he arrives !! You think you’re a tough person and that you can handle more or less anything that happens to you ?… Having a baby may prove you wrong !! (and to all you women who didn’t feel this negative overwhelming and tsunami-like emotions once your baby was born, I must say – you are my heroes !!)

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